What it feels like
by AccentFetish
Summary: Sesshoumaru wants to feel love, Sango wants her boyfriend to stop spreading the love. Who knows what could happen, well I do but thats not the point!


Wow I'm actually writing a fanfic story! It probably sucks but I don't care! I can guarantee u that the characters will be a little bit different so don't start yelling at me.

Disclaimer- I don't own Inuyasha, if I did I would be rich… I'm not rich. Oh and I don't own any songs I use in this story, I got them all from the Papa Roach c.d. "Getting away with murder".

Sesshoumaru was the lead singer in a band called "Feudal Era" His half brother Inuyasha was the bass player. Inuyasha's friend Miroku was the drummer and Kouga, Inu.'s childhood rival was the lead guitarist. He was only in the band because no one could do better at playing his instrument.

"Hey Sesshoumaru, those girls are totally checking you out, why don't you go say hi?" The band was at the mall much to the "brothers" displeasure.

"What do I care?" He answered emotionless as always. Miroku gave a perverted grin. "Well if you don't care I might as well help myself." He casually made his way over to the ladies. Almost immediately he walked back with red handprints all over his face.

Kouga laughed at his band-mates misfortune. Inuyasha was getting pissed off. His girlfriend was supposed to meet him half-an-hour ago. The girls continued to stare at Sesshoumaru. He sighed and went up to them.

His band members stared as he got all five girls phone numbers. He didn't even look interested in them. He could have any girl he wanted in the whole world just by looking there way. In the past he had, had many relationships. None of them ever lasted over a month. He had no clue what it was like to be in love, but he knew what it was like to be loved. His brother's stupid friend whimpered slightly as he carelessly put away the numbers.

"Come on!" Came the voice of a very annoyed Sango. "But look at all the sales! I have to buy more!" Kagome replied. "Kagome!" Inuyasha yelled at his shop-crazy girlfriend. "Why the hell are you so late!" "I had to buy some things!" She yelled back. As the two started to argue Sango made her way to her boyfriend, Miroku.

"Hey baby." He said trying to kiss her but she stopped him. She had noticed the still bright red hand prints. "What?" He asked clueless. She just stared. "You promised me you would stop, but you'll never stop!" She yelled adding one more injury to his collection.

Sesshoumaru noted that she was more hurt than angry. 'Stupid kid, he'll never learn' He thought. "I didn't do anything I swear! These random girls just came over and slapped me for no reason." Disgusted, she sat down and ignored her pleading boyfriend. After she calmed down she decided to talk to him again. An evil plan formed in her mind.

"Miroku, sweetie, how would you feel if I consistently hit on men?" Slyly she walked over to Kouga. Everyone was starring at her. "What are you talking about?" He was terrified of what she might do. She put her hand on the guitar player's cheek. With no objections from Kouga she started to nibble on his ear.

Miroku and Inuyasha were wide eyed. Sesshoumaru kept an unreadable face but was amused. "Sango." Her boyfriend replied weakly as she kissed the boy on the lips. She put her arms around his neck and he put his hands on her waist. Kagome tried to hold in a giggle as she pulled away from the happy boy and turned to Miroku.

"Hurts don't it?" She said grabbing her coat and walking away. Miroku was too shocked to go after her. 'What just happened? Did she really kiss him?' The first thing he did do was attack Kouga. They rolled around on the floor trying to get the upper hand.

"You kissed Sango!" The angry drummer yelled punching his appoint in the jaw. "Correction, she kissed me. I hope she enjoyed it as much as I did." He pushed his band-mate off him and stood up. Miroku was about to charge at him when the mall security stopped them.

"Stop it you two! Do I need to remove you from the premises?" Inuyasha burst out laughing as the guard left. No one seemed to notice Sesshoumaru going after Sango. He thought he heard something from inside the girl's bathroom. He asked two ladies if they had seen an angry brunet teenager inside.

"I think I saw a girl pacing by the mirror, I'm not sure if she's the one you want though." He thanked the women. 'Why am I even doing this?' He asked himself. "Sango are you in there?" He asked through the door.

"Miroku?" Came a faint reply. 'Why does she still love him? I will never understand love. Wait, was she… crying?' "No its Sesshoumaru." She was shocked. 'Why is he here? Is it possible that he has a heart and came to see if I was okay?' "Go away!" She couldn't let him see that she was crying. He would think she was weak. She had spent years trying to get him to respect her.

"I'm not leaving, just come out." Even when he was trying to care he sounded cold. A few minuets passed and nothing happened. 'Why is it always the hard way with her?' In the past she had given him the most trouble out of all his brother's friends.

He entered the girl's room with no care if anyone saw him. "You can't be in here." She said from under the sink. "Well, I am here so that obviously means that I can be in here." He leaned down next to her. He noticed how she tried to hid her red face.

"Why do you love him?" That question came from no where. "Why are you asking me that?" She looked into his amber eyes. He looked away. "I'm asking because I don't know how it feels or what makes you feel it!" 'Oh no, I made him angry.' She thought.

"I love him because hen my parents died he comforted me. When my brother died he was my shoulder to cry on. When I'm down he brings me back up. Without him I don't know what I would do. He may have a perverted personality, but he says he will change for me." 'I can't believe I'm telling this to him. I can't believe he's in the girl's room.'

"Sounds like he's only there when something's wrong. When you're happy he makes you feel mad or sad. Then he apologizes and does it all over again. He's causing you more pain then he is relieving you of." "I never thought of it that way."

She watched as the silver haired boy wandered over to a stall with writing all over it. She stood next to him and noticed what stall he was reading. There were 3 main stalls with writing on them. The first one was the "self-esteem" stall. Girls wrote down there problems and other girls commented to make them feel better. The second stall was the "date" stall. Girls write down the name of a boy they are going out with, want to go out with, or have gone out with. Either they write down a comment or wait for others to comment.

The stall that the lead singer was currently reading was the weirdest thing to have a stall dedicated to. It was all about him. Crazy girls wrote down all sorts of obsessive things about him. It made Sango embarrassed because he was actually reading it, not that she had ever wrote anything about him or anything.

He tried to ignore all the love crap he was reading. One entry did catch his attention though. Some letters were backwards and some words were misspelled but he managed to read it. 'Sesshoumaru saved my life. He pushed me out of the way of a moving vehicle. I owe him my life.' He felt a smile forming.

A little girl named Rin had written this. Along time ago she froze in the middle if the road while a drunken teen was speeding towards her. He pushed her out of the way getting hit himself. He had spent months in rehab just trying to regain the ability to walk again.

Mant doctors said that he was waiting his time and that he was trying to achieve that impossible. But he was determined to walk again and be strong. He didn't like the thought of being weak and defenseless. Now he can walk, run, and do anything that he could ever possibly want to do.

Sango noticed his smile and read Rin's entry. 'He saved her?' Sango was looking at Sesshoumaru in different eyes now. She was noticing his hidden heart and emotions in that smile. She was noticing how handsome he was. She was scared that she might be falling for her boyfriend's band-mate.

"Come on. Let's get out of here before someone sees you and calls mall security." He nodded and returned his emotionless mask. They both went to go find the others. They had been gone for some time now, they could be worried.

They spotted Miroku first at the fast food court. She was actually happy to see him. She was about to yell his name and wave when two girls came up to him. They started to giggle and he was smiling. Slowly she put her hand down and her own smile faded. Tears threatened to fall.

Her "loving" boyfriend looked up to see a sad Sango and an angry Sesshoumaru. She turned away to leave. 'How can he still do this to me?' "Sango wait!" Came his voice. He grabbed her hand and forced her to stop walking.

"Sango I…" "Shut up!" She said between clenched teeth. The venom in her voice was scary and the tears falling from her beautiful brown eyes heartbreaking. "I don't want your stupid excuses anymore. You have broken my heart too many times! I'll never be enough for you! You will always be looking for someone prettier than me, smarter than me. I'll never be enough for you and I'm tired of competing with anything in a skirt for your heart! Leave me alone!"

Sesshoumaru just starred. He had never scene her like this before. She was, dare he say, beautiful. He quickly dismissed the thought. She was a girl who normally held in her inner most feelings and now that she was letting them out it was a title wave.

"Sango… You know I love you! I may flirt with other girls but I could never feel the same way towards them as I do you. You know how deeply I feel for you." She glared. "Miroku, I'm not so sure anymore."

His grip on her arm loosened and she walked away wiping the tears away. 'I will not let him hurt me anymore. I will not cry for him anymore.' Miroku tried to fallow but Sesshoumaru stopped him.

"Get out of my way!" He yelled. "She doesn't want you to fallow. We have a gig in an hour, its time to go home and get ready." After they found Inuyasha and Kouga they left to go rehearse one last time before the show.

There band had gotten a gig at the Sacred Shared Club, also known as the SSC. There stupid manager, Naraku, had wanted them all there half-an hour before the show started. He had said that he had a surprise for all of them.

"Listen up! Kagura has made all of you stage outfits. You don't have to like them but you do have to wear them. She has worked hard designing these for you." Inuyasha was about to comment but Naraku shot him a menacing glance that shut him right up.

Kagura was his daughter, the spoiled fashion designer. Her visions of good fashionable clothing were all strange and hideous. She excitedly passed out the clothes the band members. They just starred.

"Hey mines a dress!" Miroku complained holding up a purple ball of cloth. "No those are monk's robes, and those are prayer beads." She said pointing to some green beads he was also given.

"I thought it would be cute if you guys dressed like people from the feudal era. Miroku you're a monk. Inuyasha you are a half demon. Kouga and Sesshoumaru, you are full demons." After a lot of complaining they went to go try on there clothes.

Inuyasha wore red baggy pants and shirt with dog ears glued to his head. Miroku wore a purple robe and a purple glove on his left hand with the beads wrapped around it. Kouga wore a fur skirt; Kagura had aloud him to wear jeans underneath. Sesshoumaru wore a confusing outfit with a big fur thing around his neck.

"What the hell is that!" Inuyasha asked laughing at his brother. "Shut up dog boy." He said. They all made sure that there instruments were properly tuned, and that they played right. They were going on in a few minuets.

Kagome had practically dragged Sango to the SSC. She kept saying something about, "It's the right thing to do." And, "he wants you there." She had only agreed to go so her friend would stop bugging her.

Kagome was wearing a black halter top with the traditional mini skirt. Sango wore a green mini skirt with a pair of blue jeans underneath. Her shirt was a long sleeve belly shirt with the number 89 on the front.

They sat down just as the band got on stage. The crowd laughed at the ridiculous outfits they had on. The boys gave each other mischievous glances right before they tore off there shirts, causing the cowed to cheer.

Sango almost gasped at how wonderful Sesshoumaru looked. He had a perfect 6-pack and larger muscles then the other band members. He looked beautiful again. The lights went out and the music started to play.

"I'm not listening. Not anymore. The more I learn, the more I ignore. I'm not listening not anymore. The more I hear the more I ignore. 'Cause you gotta be bigger, be faster, be stronger, if your gonna survive any longer. This life time better be the right time. 'Cause your first time might be your last time" Sesshoumaru sang.

'He has such a great voice. When he's onstage he lets out all of his emotions. Each word is filled with passion.' (The song is "Not Listening" by Pap Roach) He sang Sango's favorite song next.

"I will forgive but I won't forget. I hope you know that you've lost my respect." ("Blood" by Papa Roach) She smiled as he sung the chorus. "Does it run in your blood to betray the ones you love?"

The first time she had heard this song she had been hiding from Miroku. She didn't know that it was the lead singer's bedroom she was hiding in. He had drawn her out of hiding with that song. That was the day he told her, "Only weak people cry." Truthfully they weren't friends. When they felt left out they would some ho end up together.

When the band was done playing they went over to the girls. Sesshoumaru was the only one who bothered to put on a shirt, he didn't like the way some of his adoring "fans" were looking at him.

'I wish I could see his perfect body again. Wait, I couldn't have just thought that, could I have?' "Sango you look really good." Miroku finally said after making her feel uncomfortable by starring. She wanted to just smack him but didn't. "Thanks." She said politely ignoring his constant gaze.

Inuyasha and Kagome started to fight about her outfit. He said it was too showy and she was outraged. Kouga had started the fight by complimenting her. He was enjoying there fight just a bit too much.

The lead singer felt out of place. He had no real friends. All the boys hated him for being so perfect and for having all the girls love him. A long time ago he learned how to cope with being alone, after he was rejected by his own family.

When his mother died he moved in with his father and his father's new family. Inuyasha was favored. He got all the good toys, attention, and praise. His step mother tried to be the nice one but he knew she really didn't like him.

When Sesshoumaru was mourning his mother Inuyasha wouldn't leave him alone. Eventually after a few weeks he yelled at him. Then he got yelled at with such harsh words from his father. He would never forget the words.

"How dare you yell at him! He's only a child! Why couldn't your mother have just taken you with her?" He had always been too proud to cry. He ran away that night. He had been gone a week and his father wouldn't even bother to look for him.

He had found shelter with an old woman named Kaede. She took care of him until he learned his father and step mother were dead. He was 16 and decided to find his stupid half brother.

He had finished high school years before his peers. At the time he was starting college. His brother had mistaken him for there father when he first saw him pull up in the schools driveway. They did look much alike.

-Flashback-

Inuyasha had just gotten out of detention. It had started to snow on the already freezing day. 'Shit! I have to walk again.' He thought miserably. He had been walking home for a week straight.

A flashy red convertible pulled up next to him. The top was down but the driver gave no indication he was cold, or anything else. The driver amazed the boy for more than one reason.

"F… Father!" He cried out to the driver who growled in disgust. "I'm not your stupid dad, get in." He said emotionless. It was a trait the driver had picked up while still young. Inuyasha got in the car without hesitation.

"Who are you then? You look a lot like my late father." "I'm Sesshoumaru. You don't remember me do you? They probably told you I died or something. I'm hurt little brother."

-End Flashback-

"Sesshoumaru may I talk to you in private?" Asked an angry manager. "Whatever" Both men walked to the room that the club provided them with. They sat down at a table with two chairs.

"What do you want? I've got better things to do with my time then talk with you." Naraku was pissed about something and Sesshoumaru wasn't helping. He tried to calm himself down before he spoke.

"How old are you?" 'That was sort of unexpected' "18, why?" "So you're leaving high school about now?" 'Why does he care?' "No, I'm almost out of collage. What does it matter?" "So when were you planning to tell me you got a job in America?" 'What!'

"America? How I didn't apply for a job. How do you know this?" He stood me knocking his chair to the ground. "That doesn't matter! Without you 'Feudal Era' is nothing! I know you're too smart to give up a chance to be a big business man." 'Me a business man? Wait, did he just compliment me, twice?'

"Excuse me Naraku, I have to go." He walked out of the room even though the manager wasn't done talking to him. He walked into the bar. The music was booming. He sat own at an empty table.

'America is a big deal; I can't let this opportunity pass me by. The band… I hate them all but still feel the need to be loyal. One day they are going to get a record deal and become famous. Truthfully, I don't need anymore crazed fan girls. If I go to America then I can start a new life. Who knows, I could actually be happy. I could find out what it feels like to be in love. No! That could never happen. My heart died with my mother.'

Brief anger flashed through his eyes. He quickly controlled it. As he was about to leave he saw a shocking sight. Sango slapped Miroku and screamed, "It's over forever!" She was single now…

'Maybe I could… What am I thinking! My mind has finally betrayed me. I think of her at the strangest moments. If I go to America that could give us enough distance. Wait, I don't even know what the job is yet. How did that ass of a manager know about that job before me?'

"Inuyasha!" He screamed not caring if people saw his anger. His brother spit up his drink as he saw him walking towards him. He looked as if he was going to kill him. It was a possibility many people were thinking of.

"You stole my mail then gave it to Naraku! You weren't even going to tell me about the job!" "Your damn right I wasn't going to tell you! If you knew then you would go off and leave again!" The whole club was watching the two brothers fight.

"What do you care if I leave? You can always find someone else to replace me." "It's not that." Inuyasha was starring at the floor. Sesshoumaru calmed himself down. "Are you so against me that you would deny me the only chance I have to be happy? Have a nice life, little brother."

As he walked out of the SSC it was silent. The only noise was Inuyasha angrily knocking everything off the bar counter. Kagome tried to make sure he didn't hurt anyone while in such a state of anger.

It was impulses for Sango to go after the silver haired boy. She caught him right before he got into his car. "You're going to America?" She asked obviously sad. "Maybe just to get away from him, my father, my step mother, and… everyone!"

All the years of holding in he just collapsed as he started to cry on her shoulder. At first she was shocked but knew exactly what he was feeling. She had felt the same way after her only brother died a year ago.

"It's okay." She cooed. "I just hate you all." He said as he wrapped his arms around her, letting out all the pain he had been hiding inside ever since he was seven. "Everything will be alright I promise."

Sesshoumaru did something even more surprising then crying, he gave her the most meaning full kiss in her life! After a few minuets he pulled away. He wiped his tears away leaving no evidence that I tear ever fell from his beautiful amber eyes.

"No, nothing will be okay. Thanks for trying to make me feel better though. You can do a lot better then Miroku. Bye Sango." He raced away in his car leaving her speechless. It started to rain but she didn't move. 'He kissed me!'

The next day she couldn't stop thinking about him. She was looking at a group photo when she realized, 'I love him!' She had to tell him before he left for America, she had to.

She went to the house that he and Inuyasha shared. He wasn't there. She remembered about an old woman who had practically raised him. She hurried over to the woman's house. She was desperate that he would be there.

"Hello I'm Sango. Is Sesshoumaru here? I'm a friend of his." She said. The lady frowned. "He left 15 minuets ago, gate 66. Your not one of those crazy girls are you?" "No I'm not." She thanked the old woman and speeded off to the airport. She ran all the way to gate 66.

"Sesshoumaru!" She yelled seeing his figure. He turned around, emotionless on the outside. "I couldn't let you leave without telling you the truth. I fell in love with you!" "Sango I…"

Before he could finish he pushed her to the ground. A loud bang was heard. 'A gun shot?' She saw Sesshoumaru leaning over in pain. He had pushed her out of the way of the bullet. He was bleeding fast. "Sesshoumaru!" She cried scurrying to his side.

He smiled despite the pain. "Sango I would like to thank you. You made me feel what it was like to be in love for the first time since my mother. I guess I'm not meant to go to America. I'm going to die now, don't be weak." She kept screaming as his body fell limp on the floor.

The police discovered the murderer. It was the same man who killed her family. The bullet was aimed at her but hit Sesshoumaru instead.

After his funeral she ran into the girl's bathroom in the mall. She took out a permanent marker and started to write next to Rin's entry. "He was my one true love. I promise I won't cry anymore because he will think I am weak. But right now I am very weak."

End

So did u like it? In the end I was picturing the song "My December" by Linken Park playing. I don't know why. Please read and review I don't mind flames.

-smile-


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